Watching the deep

I feel like a sailor on a long voyage who has discovered a curious fact. Though the journey as a whole is aiming toward one end, each leg of the voyage, each little seasonal wind, has a quality all its own. An inexperienced swabby like me not only has to guard against the dangers of each period, like falling asleep during the doldrums or collapsing under a gail, but they have trouble just adjusting to the seasons of the journey. I find that when a storm blows up, I often persist in working the details of the kitchen; or when a two week gail is finally past, I still cling to the main sail instead of walking about in the sun!

It’s been a little over a month since I stopped school and after a couple of weeks of break I realized this – there is life after homework!! It wasn’t just that the world had bloomed at last or that I could go to bed at 10:30 at last (heh), but there are relationships, there are crossroads, there is life outside of completing projects dawn to dusk. Being the uncompromising efficiency machine that I am, it has taken me these past several weeks to start living life outside the textbook again, and I see that it is a sweet and precious thing.

And now that I’ve started to discover this, we’re going to go away.

Ouch.

So if the previous leg of the voyage was full of furious work within the ship, and this next course in Scotland is a launch into uncharted waters, what about these few weeks in between? Well, quite simply, there has been a lot of looking out to sea.

You’ll catch me doing it when I’m alone in the gallery with a sad song on the speakers. It’s a weighing of life, a treasuring and a sadness over the past, a watching of the future. It’s looking out to sea.

You’ll find me and Mom doing it as we walk all around our house division, Forest Park. We go often to Big Ben and visit our favorite barista because our time here is short. We stop what we’re doing to muse or admire or visit because we are both looking out to sea.

I even hear it wailed over the guitar as Ben makes it come alive at night. He plays that song just one extra round, or he goes with the guys to the Y and makes sure to stop by Speedway for one more drink. You count your blessings and look out to sea.

I hear Amy making plans to visit Katie (sp?) again, or hop over to Meijer or Old Navy with Lidz. She gives Brian a hard time on Sundays and she smiles at Joy, but with Bailey in her arms who could help but look out to sea?

Dad has been amazing and with ministry/work/cars/insurance/boxes/checkbags/tickets on his mind, he still makes special time for other things. He invites the guys over for a burger, just one more burger, and then he gets them the special pepper cheese. I can tell he’s counting the hours as well, he’s treasuring the talks and laughter, looking out to sea.

We all wonder, When shall I ever do this again? How often shall I get to hug her again? Will we be miserable out there? Will it be glorious? Can't the sunset stay just a minute longer so that I can look into the horizon?

Looking out to sea